Lately I have felt the gravity of my mom’s death since I know she is not coming back. It has been over a year and at times I can’t believe she is gone. Sometimes through this grief I take a few steps back but on the most part I am slowly finding my way again as I work through this process. This arduous process.
Through my journey, I have found that I am more sad and disappointed in the way people react to death and how they treat someone who is grieving… mostly through avoidance or awkward conversation. I want to scream, “My mom died, yes but I’m still here! It’s OK to just be there to listen or be a shoulder to cry. It’s OK if we just cry together if you have the courage to be vulnerable with me. It’s OK to be vulnerable. It’s OK to acknowledge it and just be still with sadness. It’s OK.”
Then I realized that people don’t want to confront grief, they don’t want to entertain the thought of their own mortality, they don’t want to be sad, they don’t really want to be there while you’re in the space between grief and death. They would rather wait until you resurface, because it is easier.
Through this year I have come to understand how people respond is not in my control. I can only control how I choose to act in relation to my own feelings and I choose a positive heart and spirit. This is something you have taught us, Mom.
Happy Mother’s Day.